I wrote my first blog post in the summer of 2003 during college on a platform called LiveJournal (shout out to Millennials). Even before then in high school, I wrote an episodic sci-fi comedy story about my classmates, set in our superlative futures (highly inspired by “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, my favorite book at the time). And since then, I’ve tried starting several blogs, only to drop off from writing within weeks.
So the joy of creative writing has never been the thing holding me back all these years. And yet, it’s taken 20+ years to establish an ongoing habit of online writing. I think the reason is partly to do with a fear of being so publicly exposed.
Since the new year is a great time to start new things, I’ve decided to give it another go, and in the spirit of self-reflection, I’m writing this article to explore my fear of creating in public and hopefully convince myself that it’s worth leaning into it. If you find yourself facing a fear of creating content in public, maybe this can help you get through it too.
So let’s get started.
Reason #1: “This will harm my career and / or relationships.”
This is probably the most debilitating reason preventing me from putting myself out there more often. From a career standpoint, I’m pretty limited on what I can talk about regarding my work, which could have serious employment and even legal ramifications if I break the policy. From a relationships angle (and this counts both in and outside work), putting my true self out there could harm the way I’m perceived, exposing the truth that…
💬 “I’m a lot less put together than people think.”
The reframe for this line of thinking is that being my true self and speaking my honest truth is the best way to show up to the world, and doing so will ultimately benefit, not harm, my relationships.
Something that one of the cofounders of Riot Games used to say that’s stuck with me over the years is:
💬 “If you ask anyone what they think about vanilla ice cream, they’ll probably say, ‘I could take it or leave it.’ Now if you ask someone what they think of black licorice, they’ll either say, ‘Ew! Gross!’, or they’ll say, ‘I WILL #$%@ING DIE FOR BLACK LICORICE!’ We are a black licorice company.”
-Brandon Beck
In all likelihood, if you’re reading this, you might be someone I work with, a friend, part of my family, in relationship with, or otherwise someone whose opinion I care about. And there’s a chance that you may choose to pass me over for a career opportunity, tell my friends and family how worried you are about me writing about myself online, or maybe just choose to proverbially “swipe left” on developing a deeper connection with me based on what you’re reading.
But if that’s the case, then you might just not be the person for me, and that’s okay. My life will be most fruitful if I care about expressing my own truth just a little bit more than what you think of me, even if it draws some occasional weird looks 🤨
I am a black licorice person.
Reason #2: “Talking about myself is selfish / egotistical.”
An extension of this fear would be, “Attracting attention to myself could lead to getting taken advantage of or other forms of harm.” I grew up in a big, loving, humble family with Christian and African American values. So we were taught from an early age not to hog the spotlight and to focus first on serving others before ourselves.
Having parents who grew up in New York City, I think they were also exposed to the dangers of attracting too much attention to yourself. So from a survival standpoint, I can understand why talking so publicly about myself causes some mental resistance inside myself.
The reframe for this perspective is that censoring what I say for fear of being seen as ego-focused or having something others don’t could actually be robbing the world of the gifts I have to share. It’s actually better for the world for me to share my experiences, perspectives, and advice with others. In fact, I hope that my living loudly might be the inspiration that others need to get them to start putting themselves out there more too.
💬 “Colin Marshall says: ‘Compulsive avoidance of embarrassment is a form of suicide.’ If you spend your life avoiding vulnerability, you and your work will never truly connect with other people.”
-Austin Kleon, Show Your Work!: 10 Ways to Share Your Creativity and Get Discovered
I think there’s a very real fear of abandonment / lack of safety component to this issue. We’re evolved to want to stay part of the tribe, and being judged as self-centered or conceited could cause people to turn away from me. If I’m being very honest with myself, I can identify my own judgmental thoughts about my friends who have a huge online presence.
But I think there’s another side to every story, and I choose to believe that the positive impact I can have on the world by sharing my life experience outweighs the limiting beliefs others tell themselves. And even if it doesn’t, I’m not writing for them. I’m writing for me.
Shake off the haters.
Reason #3: “I don’t have anything of worth to share.”
This one hits the hardest for me. Maybe people just don’t really care about what this washed up 39-year-old has to say.
The reframe here is, “F that! I am worthy. I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing it for me. And the people who matter to me know that.”
This is a long quote, but I love it every time I come across it:
💬 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"
From every account of people who have built a successful personal brand, there are years of shouting their ideas into the void with no one but their mothers recognizing their effort (hi, Mom ❤️). So the desire to share has to come from something much more intrinsic than the dopamine hit of social recognition.
What I know to be true is: 1) my friends find my stories helpful, even if nothing else than to generate a laugh. And 2) even when my living expenses are taken care of and I feel perfectly content, I’m still thinking about the next idea I can bring into the world. In a very woo woo sense, I think the act of creation is the most purposeful thing humans do.
It’s all valuable, and it means something.
Wrapping Up
So that’s my inner pep talk for the day as I embark on attempt #1337 to share more of myself online. In this post, I reflected on the reasons I’ve told myself for not creating more in public and the reframing beliefs that are helping me break through the fear.
Who knows where this will go, but if you’ve read this far, I hope you take the leap on trying the thing you’ve been holding off from doing.
You know the thing.